Deliciously Me

When I was in teen back in 2001, the first Apple product I was exposed to is iPod. It was the most brilliant, sleek and attractive portable media player that I ever laid my eyes on and believe me, I want it so badly that I would bug my parents on getting iPod daily. They didn’t get me one as my parents didn’t earn much so they gave me a cheaper Sony mp3 player as consolation.

A Sony MP3 player is not that cheap either, so imagine the amount of love my parents has, for giving in to their daughter’s demand.

Contented, I used that Sony. But I still want a iPod.

Years went by and many Apple products were introduced then. I didn’t pay attention much as I know I couldn’t ‘afford’ them. Back then, it never occur to me to save my pocket money to buy expensive things that I want. It never crossed my mind to even save for iPod shuffle or iPod nano. Maybe in the back of my mind, the money saved should be kept in bank. Maybe I feel I should use money on better thing/stuff.

Like food for instant, lol!

Then iPod Touch arrived. I went into the crazy, itchy hand mode again. I tried ‘asking’, ‘sweet talking’ my parents into get one for me – which again I got rejected.

The longing for a iPod Touch grew even more after playing with Satkuru’s iPod Touch. I told myself, that’s it. It’s time to save! For the love of iPod Touch, I did – painstakingly saved like mad.

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I think that I begin to feel compassionate for stray dogs.

After returning from work one fine day, I put on the harness around Husky’s body and walked him. Usually, we would just walk nearby my house. That day, I decided to bring him to my old house.

So we went down the road, ran across the busy road, and went into the housing area of my old house.

As Husky was busy sniffing around the trees and plant pots, suddenly out of the blue 2 dogs just ran towards us and barked nonstop.

A 3rd dog, a white one came from a back alley, barked and snarled at Husky. That dog, I assumed the tai lou (head) of the pack, looked at Husky in the eye while snarling, sort of gave a warning that this area belongs to him.

Startled, I instantly became protective of my medium-sized Husky, quickly pushed him ahead while shooing them (3 dogs) away.

Thankfully all 3 dogs stopped barking and sort of calmed down. Prolly the tricks I adopted from Dog Whisperer With Cesar Millan episodes that I watched last Sunday worked.

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When people told me about the reputation of this guy, I acknowledged it but never labelled him so.  Oh well, until recently when I got to know him. I tried to be neutral and gave him a ‘benefit-of-doubt’ but his attitude is like what everyone’s said and he made me feel uncomfortable. Especially his gaze.

I sort of avoided him. I didn’t meet his eyes. I didn’t stand near him. I didn’t talk much to him.

But his act of kindness changed my perspective of him.

I was at the sink area washing my plate, where one by one dropped by with smile mouthing Thank You, dumping their plates there and walked away. I didn’t say much since I was assigned to be part of the QM team, therefore smiled back.

There he was with big smile-akin-to-smirk, came over and said, “Thank You ah” before putting his plate on the washing basin and walked away. I smiled back at him and continued washing.

As I was washing the cutlery, out of the blue he appeared right next to me and started soaping up the plates without saying anything!

A little startled, I told him to leave the washing to me but he just continued.

Among the people out there, I really didn’t expect ‘him’ to help. To be frank, I appreciate his help particularly in soaping up the plates as my hands would feel irritated and itchy upon in contact with detergent for long.

To Him, thank you.

You’ll never know how thankful I am for the existence of heater when relatively hot water poured over my head half an hour ago. For 2 nights I’ve been bathing in cold water and I even shivered when I bathed at 10am! Well, I chose to bath in the farthest side cubicle which has an opened window above and so happened that wind was rather strong that day and the water is surprisingly cold. Hmm.

Not to mention the discomfort I had when sleeping in a thin sleeping bag (I didn’t bring the usual thicker one, which again caused me to shiver while sleeping, grr) and uber small pillow, just enough to rest my head.

But I’m not complaining, really. I chose to come to the camp to realise small things that we tend to overlook in life. I chose to get away from the ‘luxurious’ life I have now to remind myself to stay humble, to have a sane(r) mind, to toughen myself up for upcoming possible hardship.

Just before I entered the camp, I labelled myself a worrisome, which I was and still am. Now I begin to realise the rationality behind this label. Why am I calling myself a worrisome – I finally know and have the answer.

I think it’s more to a combination of thinking too much and over-analysing. I believe people giving me the reaction that I didn’t expect is truly the core of the issue, apart from worrying about my loved ones’ safety/welfare. When people is reacting not to the way I thought it would generally be, I guess I begin to question myself on what did I say/do that caused the person to react in such way and if I didn’t say/do anything wrong why would the person treats me such. Especially I’m raising a concern/being nice which often perceived as being ‘busybody’.

“You shouldn’t care what other people’s think of you. You should only care what you think of yourself” – maybe I really, really need to uphold this verse.

Anyway, I’m really glad to be back to the camp again. Tho I went in halfway throughout the camp (which was rather short, I wish I could attend all 4 days and get involved more), but it cleared my head and ‘showed’ me ways to one of the many
problems I’m or may face in life.

Ohai!

How’s everyone doing? Lol! Don’t think people ever read this blog anymore. It’s been ages since I write something here. Have lost the magic to write. Not to mention the thought of clearing all the pending/backdated posts totally turns me off.

Bleh.

Life’s been ups and downs. Tastes happiness as well as sadness. Feels sweet satisfaction and not forgetting the disappointment too. Being raised to the peak and smacked down to the bottom. Been carefree and worrisome at the same time.

Speaking of being worrisome, I realised I’m one very anxious+worry person now. All the what if totally drives me crazy, makes me paranoid and sometimes shuns me away from doing the things I want to do.

How I wish I could be liberated from this ‘worrisome state’. I don’t know why am I thinking so much, so hard for; – foreseeing and deliberating with myself the possible consequences and thinking hard on finding ways to avoid them.

Ah. Stupid, complicated mind of mine.

That’s it! I’mma find my inner peace this weekend. Meditation and prayers and peaceful surrounding should keep my ‘worry state’ at the bay.. or I hope so.

*sitting cross-legged and chant Om Mani Padma Hum…. while listening to Monica’s For You I Will, lol*